YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SAY "NO"
No matter how demanding life can be, it is not selfish to take time away from the things that drain you. Whether it’s draining you mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually, you don’t have to explain why you need the time away. You are allowed to take a break. You are allowed to say “no” when it is time to say “no.”
Sometimes, the way into meaningful rest is through some “no,” you had to find the courage to say out loud. Sometimes, the break you need is on the other side of simply letting someone know you’re just not available, even when you feel like you should be. Sometimes, the way out of being overwhelmed is by letting someone know, you just don’t have the capacity to be present to what they’re asking for you. Many of us have received the message that in order to be a good person we have to be a team player. I truly believe that community is one of the most valuable, sacred gifts in life, however, a healthy community knows that we don’t always have to be “on.” A healthy community knows that someone doesn’t have to “deserve” extended time away in order to be worthy of a break.
Whether your community is healthy or not, I hope you can seek out real-life voices that remind you that it’s okay to say, “no, I can’t do that today.”
And if you don’t have that right now, perhaps you can start with how you can be that person. Who in your life is overworked? Who in your life always says “yes?” Even if you’re that person, trust: there are other people out there like that, too. Many of us have been conditioned to think that being a “team player” is always showing up, always giving.
However, one thing I think gets forgotten with this “team player” idea is that even though teams show up to compete and play games, more often than not, they’re actually showing up for practice. And when you show up for practice, you realize: it’s okay if everyone’s not in the same place at once. There are moments of action and moments of rest. On a healthy team, there are moments to listen to the Coach and there are moments to ask questions. At practice, there are players trying new things and also players who are healing from injuries. Being a “team player” doesn’t mean always being in the game. Being a part of a team has a lot to do with practicing. Being on a team involves holding the tension of the body’s physical limits and its possibilities, and recognizing that there is room for learning and growth in-between. On a team, it might be harder to say “no,” and at the same time, it’s better to say “no” than to pass out on the team. It’s better to say “no” than to put yourself in a compromising position or injure yourself.
As humans, we don’t always know where or how to say no, and that’s exactly the point of practice. That’s the point of healthy communication. This may take work, but you are worthy of the process of learning to honor your limits. You are worthy of the daily work it takes to learn how to say “no” know where you need to say no, and say “yes” where you need to say “yes.” And all while knowing this is not something you perfect, but engage with daily, and practice.
Word of the day: Honor (v) “to live up to or fulfill the terms of” (Merriam Webster)
Journal: How will you honor your limits today?
Affirmation: “I am honoring my limits.”
More in this week's series called "Even Here, You Are Learning and Grow”, only with a subscription in the Storyteller App.
Sincerely,
Morgan
@thestorytellerco
@morganharpernichols
