THROUGH IT ALL, YOU ARE STILL HERE.
I am not sure how you feel about yourself, when you look back on old photographs or comb through your memories, but I do know you were meant to change.
I do know you were not meant to stay the same for every stage of your life. You were meant to grow. You were meant to meet new people, travel to new places, and learn valuable new lessons. This does not mean you deserved the pain you went through. It means that, because you were somehow able to keep breathing and keep going anyway, you were able to change. And that is beautiful.
You were able to be shaped into someone stronger and wiser than you ever thought you’d be, even though you did not ask for those things. You were able to find bold, rebellious joy, anyway, that showed up despite the chaos of it all, it gave you strength to carry on.
This is important to remember because oftentimes...we are not really trying to get stronger. We are not searching for mountains off in the distance to climb. All we want is to make it through what we’re currently going through without the added pressure of journeying on toward some mountain range in the distance. We just want peace right where we are. We want clarity for our goals and dreams. Safety in our relationships. Time and energy to make it through the day without feeling exhausted. But yet, no matter how hard we try to stand on stable ground, there is something that is always changing. The river through the forest beneath our feet always brings something before us that we were not expecting. And just like that, the time we wish we could have spent on self-care is time we have to spend trying to survive. The time we wish we could have spent working on goals is now spent trying to manage the new list of responsibilities we now have. The time we wish we could have spent on building a healthy relationship is time spent worrying about the security of the relationship itself. And one day, we look back, and we wonder...where has all the time gone? What happened to the version of ourselves that was young and free, and ready to take on the world?
It is here, that you must have grace for yourself to see that it is not all on your shoulders to make sense of all the ways the years have shaped you. Some of the greatest change you experienced in your life was beyond your control, and if it is there that you need to grieve what was, you are free to do that. Perhaps your time was taken for granted. Maybe something precious was taken from you at a young age, and you were made to feel like it was your fault. An unexpected loss produced unexpected change in your body or in your environment. You had to move across the country because of what happened. You had to give up on dreams to support someone else.
None of these things were your fault. It can be so tempting to look back and your first thought is: “Wow, I really let myself go…” or “I really messed up my future by doing that…” but the truth is, there have always been so many factors that caused you to change in the way you did. No matter where you are right now and how it compares to where you wish you were, you are worthy of the journey it takes to find peace about the past. Through it all, you are still here, and that’s proof that there is more to you than yesterday. There is time still, grace, and room to be restored. Inhale this healing truth. Exhale with hope for the future.
Word of the Day: Valuable (adj): a thing that is of great worth (Oxford Languages)
Journal: How are you different this year than last year?
Affirmation: “I am growing in beautiful ways.”
More in this week's series called "Come Alive In The Waiting", only with a subscription in the Storyteller App.
Sincerely,
Morgan Harper Nichols
